He Ain’t Worth The Whiskey

He Ain_t Worth the Whiskey

“Sue Ellen, git back here,” he shouted to her glorious backside.

She snorted, gave him the finger and continued to sashay down the dusty road. “I don’t think so, J.R. You obviously don’t appreciate a woman of my class and quality.”

“Fuck, Woman! Where do you think you’re going buck-ass nekkid?”

She put a little extra wiggle into her stride. “I’m goin’ down to the fork in the road to hitchhike. I’m sure someone will want to gimme a ride, since your limp noodle shore wasn’t up to the job.”

“I done told you I just needed some time to get my second wind. It’s not my fault. Your kat is my Kryptonite. You come on back here and lemme take a nap. I promise you I’ll last longer the next time. When I wake up, I’m gonna rock your world!”

He started singing – ”Every time you kiss me, it’s like sunshine and hooch. Every time you kiss me, it’s like sunshine and hooch.”

Damnit, he knew she loved that song. Whenever she heard the chorus, she wanted to git up and started shaking her money-maker. Damn his no good hide. He knew how to push her buttons and appeal to her forgiving nature. Besides, he was right. Her pussy was just that damn good. A fella’s manhood melted like ice cubes in the Texas sun when she wrapped her sinfully long legs around a man’s back. She almost stopped and went back to him, but then she remembered something.

“J.R., what’s wrong with your tongue? If you can’t cut the mustard, you can still lick the jar.”

“Aw crap. Sue Ellen, you know real men don’t kiss no pussy. It’s not manly.”

She froze and anger narrowed her eyes. “Oh, I see…but real men don’t have a problem getting their cocks sucked, I noticed.”

He groaned. “That’s different.”

“Fuck you, J.R.! – Oh right, you can’t fuck…you’re a two-minute wonder. See ya, I’m outta here.”

“Alright…fine, good luck. I just want you to do one thang for me.”

“What do you want, loser?”

“Please leave the bottle of hooch. I need a drink really bad.”

She tipped the bottle to her mouth and greedily swallowed every drop. J.R.’s groans were music to her ears. When she finished, she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and then threw the empty bottle in the direction of his pick-up truck.

“Here, you asshole, wrap yer lips ’round that. It’ll probably be the last thing you kiss fer quite a while. You are so fucking pit-ta-ful. Next time try pouring that white lightening on your cock instead of drinking so much. I would have sucked you dry.”

She laughed and continued her strut back up the road.

 

© 2014 Will LaForge

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8 thoughts on “He Ain’t Worth The Whiskey

  1. Kneeling Woman says:

    Hahaha! There’s no point in a girl being discrete when she ain’t gettin’ her needs met.
    J.R. needs to take the lesson and figure out how to git ‘er done. At least she didn’t shoot him. 😉

    A fine and fun bit of writing to show off your versatility and creative prowess, Mr. LaForge.
    Bravo!

    • wtlaforge says:

      Kneeling Woman, it seems you and Sue Ellen are kindred spirits. In fact, J.R. is lucky it wasn’t you, since apparently you might have shot him. I’m delighted that you enjoyed my humorous post.

  2. Tanya says:

    This was quite entertaining! I could vividly picture and hear it.

  3. Ha! Fun, sassy flash, Will. Loved the last two lines! 😉

  4. wtlaforge says:

    Hello Nichelle, thanks for stopping by. I kind of liked those last two lines myself.

  5. Sandy says:

    “it provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance”

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